Art At The Speed Of Life Lesson 19

From Pam Carriker's book Creating Art At The Speed Of Life Lesson 19

The goal in this exercise was to bury and then unearth words through layers of collage.  I chose text from an add about paint colors.  All the words were describing vivid colors and the emotions they evoke.  Then, using layers of diluted acrylic paint, and pencil and ink, I created forms from the scraps of text.  The gray color palate reminded me of depression and the way it buried the colors that were originally there.  It was like a slow painful death of emotion, color, light and life.  I titled this journal page, "Searching".  There were a few color words that still showed clearly through the layers of mist and I highlighted them.  When I look at this page, it makes me thankful that I have gone through depression, because on the other side of that experience all the colors are even more vivid and alive than before.

Searching
Art Journal Page
by Cheryl Harris White
Mixed Media

1000 Gifts 881-900 and a Cake

This month Paint On My Walls is officially one year old and to celebrate this blogging milestone, I painted picture of a birthday cake with one candle for my blog.   I just love celebrating milestones.  It gives me such a sense of accomplishment to look back at the beginning of this journey and see how far I have come emotionally, spiritually and creatively.  

There was a time in my life when I really wanted to paint but couldn't even force myself pick up a brush. I wanted to worship God, but couldn't find my voice.  I wanted to live, but felt dead.  I have a story, and part of that story includes a dark journey through depression to a life I could have never known with out God's merciful love toward me.  This is the reason I am writing a list of 1000 gifts.  This is why I paint, and why Paint On My Walls is about celebrating color, light and life.  I celebrate all these things, because there was a time when I couldn't.  So in this post, I sing with paint and say, "Happy Birthday" to Paint On My Walls!

Birthday Cake With One Candle
by Cheryl Harris White
Oil on Canvas Board
9" x 11"

Since I am working with oils and a palate knife this month, that is what I used.  I loved mixing these primary colors until they were just right.  There is actually a little bit of red, blue and yellow in every color you see here, even the white icing on the cake.  I spread the white paint mixture very thick.  It actually felt like I was icing a real cake.  The only difference was, I couldn't like my knife.

My List of 1000 Gifts Continues...

881) Depression
882) Darkness
883) Pain
884) Sadness
885) Tears
886) Sorrow
887) Crushed dreams
888) Rebellion
889) Loss
890) Wishing
891) Hope
892) Acceptance
893) Understanding
894) Humility
895) Naming gifts I am thankful for
896) Contentment
897) Trust
898) Joy
899) Believing
900) Color, Light and Life

The PIT

No painting post today in remembrance of the PIT. 

When our family lost my mom to cancer, my sister and I were in our early 20's. Then my Dad met Peggy, a precious, sweet  woman, also widowed. They fell in love and they had a wonderful marriage for 15 more years.  She was like a second mom to me and a grandma to my kids.


When  Peggy passed away, I had just returned from a week of ministering to missionaries Mexico with Duke and it was more than I could handle.  I had now lost two mothers in my lifetime.  My dad had lost two wives.  I went up for the funeral to be a support to my Dad.  


I had to hurry home because all this was happening right between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I had a show to paint sets for the theater.  Our church had a new pastor and I wanted to attend the new art ministry meeting he set up.  There was a recital coming up that Courtney was singing in. . .Gingerbread houses to make . . .  I was going so fast and giving and giving and giving in every direction.  That is when I fell into a pit.


I remember the actual day my life seemed to hit rock bottom.. I was sitting in church and they were singing the song "Mary did you know".  It was so beautiful, but I could not even sing along.  I felt sad and I started to cry. I couldn't stop crying and didn't stop crying for days and days in a row.  I wasn't really even sobbing, it was like my eyes were leaking and the tears would not stop. It was so scary, because I didn't know why I was crying.  I felt sad, but I wasn't sad about a particular one thing... it was a very quiet, ever present deep sadness.


I went up to the theater to paint for the upcoming Christmas production and it was so hard.  It took energy to even lift a brush and I couldn't decide on the colors, which was very unlike me.  I started crying again and had to go home to rest.  Everything felt broken and difficult and totally overwhelming to me.  I didn't feel angry or mad or want to yell or anything.  I just didn't feel anything at all except sad and I couldn't make my tears stop.  I could be folding laundry or putting away dishes and silent tears kept coming.  I would lay down to sleep and wake up with a wet pillow.  I did not understand how I could even be crying while I was sleeping.  After 2 1/2 days of this,  I got in to see my doctor.

I had experienced a sudden onset of depression which I learned later had been gradually building for a long time.  I received some excellent Biblical counseling through this time and my doctor prescribed an anti depressant  which really helped.  God was faithful to me and my family.   It was slow and hard and a lot of work, but I'm so thankful I went through it because of what I learned through that time.   I learned that suffering is part of our journey here on this earth and through it we become stronger.  I learned about giving and receiving and limits and forgiveness.  I learned a lot about depression and how to deal with pain.  I learned who my true friends were and who God created me to be and how to extend acceptance and receive love. 


I  love this quote by Corrie Ten Boom which has always inspired me.  

She once said, " There is no pit, that God is not deeper still."

I also clung to Romans 5:3-5

³More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


I've been to the bottom of the pit and now I am out, up on the other side.